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"Oh No! Homework!"
Put yourself in the place of a child who brings home a sheet of math
problems, let's say on adding fractions, and is having a hard time
with them.
When he goes to his mother for help, she says, "Sorry, I always
get confused with fractions, maybe your father remembersÚfind the
lowest common denominatorÚor somethingÚ." When he goes to his
father, he hears: "Fractions, huh? I've forgotten all I ever
knew--and that wasn't much! I always hated math!"
Stereotypical as this may seem, it's probably played out in one variation
or another in thousands of households almost every weekday evening
(except Friday, of course!). And such a parental response is obviously
not calculated to advance anyone's knowledge or abilities!
Where to Start
So, what are the alternatives? For one thing, we can start by
taking our children's difficulties seriously and, either at the
time or shortly thereafter when we're able to do so, sit down and
listen to the child describe his dilemma.
Secondly, we can assist the child in going over the teacher's assignment
sheet or the textbook's instructions more carefully. Many times students
simply don't do this, but with some minimal adult assistance they
can figure out what to do (and refresh their memory of what was covered
in class by doing so).
Thirdly, if we know or have figured out how to obtain the answers,
we can switch into our best teacher mode, and in a clear step-by-step
fashion work through one problem together. Stay as the child works
through another problem, then have her work the others on her own.
If that doesn't workÚ
If we don't know how to solve the problem, we can model what to do
when we don't know somethingÏ-by finding ways to find out. Perhaps
an aunt, uncle, or close friend has some expertise in or a flair for
mathematics. If they can't be reached by phone or come over in time
for this particular homework assignment, then help your child remember
to schedule a few hours with them for some tutoring. There may also
be tutoring opportunities at school, so if a persistent problem develops,
look into these and do your best to remove any negative stigma such
sessions may have for your child. Use your own experience!
In most cases, unless the teacher has for some reason discouraged
it, it's also fine to call another student in the class. Many of the
best mathematics teachers purposely challenge their students with
difficult and tricky problems to encourage "cooperative learning"
so more minds than one can be brought to bear on a thorny problem.
It's fine to encourage your child to take questions back to the teacher.
Don't let a child assume that "everyone in the class can do these
but me!" because it's almost always not the case. Teachers are
not infallible--perhaps a step in the explanation went by too fast
or was skipped. Encourage your child to ask questions when he doesn't
understand.
If the math problems were copied from the board, either the teacher
or child may have reversed or skipped a number, making an easy problem
suddenly impossible. (A 6th-grader we know had some challenging problems
for homework--a list of four or five numbers was given in a secret
sequence and the next number was to be figured out. One problem stymied
everyone until a parent called a math whiz who spent about five minutes
on it, called back and said, "either the teacher or student got
one of the numbers wrong, because it has to be 47, not 74.")
When to intervene and when not to
There are some teachers who overload students with boring and repetitive
homework, perhaps especially in mathematics. While some repetition
is essential for learning, a heavy emphasis on computational skills
or on writing out hundreds of problems, all with the same basic solution,
can be deadening to the challenge and excitement that distinguishes
mathematics at its best.
Parents have the right to question and comment. Discussing homework
with a few other parents of children in the class may be helpful in
determining if and how to pursue the matter. Homework can certainly
be difficult and challenging, but if its main effects seem to be stifling
creativity or filling time, it deserves to be questioned.
Last, but far from least, remember that the positive benefits of
homework, for learning content and becoming more disciplined and organized,
are severely hampered by parents who actually do homework for their
children. These benefits can be distorted by parents who are overly
authoritarian, rigid, demanding, or "perfectionist."
Help your child be her best and know her best is good enough
At the same time, some youngsters, feeling pressure from parents
and teachers, and/or equipped with their own intense internal standards,
never seem satisfied with their own work. They are constantly erasing
letters and writing them over, etc., while becoming more and more
frustrated as the time is gobbled up in small details. Of course this
type of personality has its positive and negative sides. In this case,
it's wise for the parent to stress the overall goal of the homework
and help the child relax unnecessarily high standards.
Achieving and maintaining that always-shifting balance by which a
parent provides guidance and encouragement, and the child does the
work and gains the self-discipline necessary for future academic progress,
remains central to working through any homework problems that arise.
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