20 Ways to Support Your Child and Her School

1. Talk positively about the school experience. Even if your own school memories were not always pleasant, you can help your child by emphasizing the positive opportunity that school affords him. Rather than "You have to go to school today," you might try "You get to go to school today."

2. Talk positively about teachers, education, and homework. Your positive attitude can help your child develop a optimistic approach to school.

3. Show interest in what your child is learning. By asking questions and letting your child share, you communicate that learning is important and stimulating. Again, emphasize the positive. Rather than ask the standard "What did you do in school today?" try some variations, such as, "What did you do that you really liked?"; "What did you feel good about?"; "What would you like to learn more about?"; "What are you reading?"

4. Continue learning. Your child sees you as a model for many things. If you continue to expand your own knowledge and skills by reading or perhaps even taking a course, your child sees the value in learning.

5. Let your child teach you. As someone once said, "To teach is to learn twice." You can strengthen your child's learning by letting her explain new concepts to you.

6. Help your child find ways to apply his learning to everyday life. The more practical information seems to be, the more motivated your child will be to tackle new material.

7. Avoid the grade trap. While grades are useful to assess how much your child is learning, the goal is the learning, not the grades. Avoid the trap of making grades a competition. Help your child learn to relax and enjoy learning without the pressure to compete.

8. Avoid comparing your child's grades with others. Such comparisons are almost always counterproductive. It's much better to compare your child's grades with her own grades from the previous report card. "Where have you improved?" "Where do you want to improve more?" "How will you accomplish this?" "How can I help?"

9. Develop realistic expectations for your child. Encourage your child to do the best he can in school, keeping in mind that children will naturally do better in some areas than in others. Also keep in mind that your child is special because of who he is, not how he performs.

10. Provide a quiet place and time for homework. Most students do best with a regular study time on which they've agreed with their parents. Having a special place for homework, whether it's a quiet desk in their own rooms or at the kitchen table, helps build a routine and an atmosphere conducive to work. This can't be accomplished in front of the TV.

11. Go over your child's work with her. Going over homework and the papers your child brings home, showing an interest in what your child is doing, gives you an opportunity to encourage her work and to notice if she's having trouble. It also shows that you value her schooling.

12. Be a homework consultant, not a tutor. Homework is your child's work, not yours. We recommend that you not sit by your child to make sure everything's answered correctly; mistakes on homework are one way your child's teacher learns what concepts need more explanation. Instead, act as a consultant, available to offer support and help when your child asks.

13. Encourage your child to read at home. Reading is the cornerstone of much learning. The more your child practices this essential skill, the better he'll do in all his subjects. To keep him motivated and enjoying reading, let your child choose what he wants to read. Easy books, magazinesœeven comic books, as a last resort; anything but material that's "not for children" should be encouraged.

14. Develop a consistent and effective discipline plan. Using parenting methods that teach your child responsibility, cooperation, and self-confidence will also help your child do well in the classroom. You can avoid being too strict or too lax by taking a parent-education course or reading some recommended books.

15. Support the school's discipline plan. A school, like a family, must maintain a certain level of order and structure so that all our children can feel safe and able to learn. If your child is disciplined at school, please help your child learn from the experience by backing up the school at home. If you have a problem with the plan, please bring it up with the administration.

16. Check out disturbing reports. Teachers, like parents and students, are not perfect. They can make mistakes. However if your child shares with you something her teacher did that she felt was grossly unfair or unkind, listen respectfully but don't assume it was as bad as it sounds. Children sometimes exaggerate when their feelings are hurt. If you're disturbed by the situation, call the teacher and check it out by expressing concern rather than anger or hostility. Keep an open mind.

17. Bring a solution as well as a problem. If you have a concern or see a problem you think needs correcting, and you bring it to the attention of your child's teacher, also bring a supportive attitude and an idea for a solution. This will help build a cooperative, problem-solving relationship.

18. Be careful about misinformation and gossip. The school "grapevine" can produce a lot of useful information, but it can also become a version of the old game "telephone," where messages become more and more distorted. You can show your support by checking out such information with your child's teacher or the administration. Please call ahead to set up a meeting rather than dropping by for a "quick conference." Your concerns are important to the school and deserve not to be rushed.

19. Go to class meetings when invited. These meetings not only provide you with important information, but your attendance communicates to your child that she and the school are importantœand to the school, that your child is important to you.

20. Let the school know what's going on at home. When families go through extra stress such as illness, death, or divorce, it can affect children the most. Please let your child's teacher know about such circumstances. She can often help. In addition, informing the teacher will alert her to possible changes in your child's behavior.